The Art of Balance

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony."

A porter steadily balances supplies on his shoulders ascending Mt. Rinjani, Indonesia.

I must confess, it's proving to be increasingly difficult to maintain a balance of experiencing my travels in their entirety, free from distraction, and recording them in as much detail as possible. Be it through the lens of a camera, the pencil and paper that are my journal or with the keys on which I'm typing. My dilemma, it seems, is the age old desire to somehow capture a moment in time. To be able to recall a memory and relive it all over again. The problem is not only my own, of course. Surely we've all longed to have this ability at one point or another. The whole purpose of journals, blogs, photos and videos is to be able to experience specific moments vividly in the future or by someone else. In a sense, it’s also our only method of time travel. Ironically the very action of looking through a viewfinder or through a screen on a phone takes away from the moment itself. Writing about occurring experiences also prevents one from continuing to make new ones and on top of that is subject to the filter that is the imperfect and fading memory. I suppose I struggle to accept the fact that life cannot truly be relived through written words or through a video or through any other means. Which is what makes it so difficult. 

I remember specific points in my life where I thought to myself “I wish I could remember this moment forever.” The brilliant hues of Texas sunsets. Looking up at the stars with my dad on summer nights over Lake Amistad. The sound of the rolling rocks on the Italian coast. The taste of fresh tzatziki in Greece. All vague and abstract memories that seem to drift into obscurity with each recollection. However, just because it's not possible to capture every aspect, even just one, whether images or written memories, are better than none at all. For at least these things will live on much longer than the confines of my fading memory bank to be experienced vicariously by other people. The key here, I’m discovering, is balance. As with most things in life, finding harmony between opposing ideas is easier said than done.

These last 4 weeks have been sort of an experiment. Once I arrived in Bali I told myself that I would enjoy every moment as much as possible. As cathartic as writing is, it's also just as time consuming. When the idea is to utilize as much of that time living in the moment, secluding myself and refraining from socializing and meeting new people and creating new experiences, sounds less appealing. (Even now as I sit in this hostel common area writing this, potential stories, friends and adventures pass me by.) So instead I opted to balance the experience and remembrance conundrum by seizing the days camera in hand and the limit the writing. The idea being to use the images themselves instead of words cause as we all know, a picture is worth a thousand of them. While this seemed to drive my focus to take better pictures, it didn’t change the reality that writing is as enjoyable to me as photography. Not to mention that I myself am I fan of still images with context. Especially when the stories that accompany them are as fascinating as the images themselves. 

At this point, the places I’ve been, the people I’ve met and the countless pictures I’ve taken, along with their accompanying stories, far exceed the amount of time I would need to continue writing chronologically as they occur. Luckily, I disciplined myself enough to take notes on my phone as often as I could while events took place, so that I could write about them later. Photos also have a remarkable way of sparking the memory and I’ve plenty of them. In essence, this is my way of apologizing to you and my future self for not having kept up with the documenting of this incredible time of my life as often as I’d hoped. I had imagined things differently but some goals are not so easily achieved when life seems to constantly beck and call. It’s also an assurance that I intend to continue detailing my journey more frequently, while simultaneously enjoying it as purely as I possibly can. There is an art to balance and I’m striving to find it.

One thing is for certain though, if there is anything I would ever say was the best decision I’ve made so far, quitting my job, selling my possessions and going on an unplanned solo-adventure is it. I’ve had so many amazing experiences and befriended so many wonderful people and learned so many things about myself and the world that I will be eternally grateful. It’s hard to believe that it’s already and only 8 weeks later. With endless possibilities ahead, I can’t wait to see what the future holds and what stories will unfold. Can you?